Zombie Fan QuestionZombie Fan Question - 06.22.2012
As part of the Zombie Prep Network research team, I get a lot of questions, like, “Are you freaking serious?” “Have you been smoking dope or something?”, or “Hey! Who are you and what the hell are you doing in my bathroom!?”
Once in a while though, we get a question here that’s worth answering. ZPN fan and generally awesome person Perry sent us a question about the effect of alcohol consumption on one’s chances of being infected when the ZSHTF.
As the resident expert in excessive and irresponsible beer consumption, it fell to me to come up with the answers. Here is Part One of my hard-hitting, investigative series on booze and surviving the ZPOC!
Zombie Fan Question - 05.31.2012
Recently, a number of news events culminated in zombie-like or cannibalistic behavior. Take, for example, the recent South Beach zombie attack in Miami where Rudy Eugene chewed most of the face off Ronald Poppo. Police had to use numerous shots to put Eugene down, since he didn’t respond to being shot the first time.
Police are theorizing drug involvement in the zombie attack – with the most likely culprit being the new synthetic drug called bath salts.
A Facebook friend asked, “how do you tell the difference between somebody who’s been zombified, and somebody who’s just on drugs?”
The following is our video response to that question.
For us, a zombie can be somebody under the influence of drugs. In fact, there is a whole family of “zombie drugs” out there including datura, and scopolamine, and some neurotoxins which effectively zombify people. In Haiti, where we got the word zombie from, zombies were people usually drugged into a death-like state, buried, and dug up later for slave labor.
Zombie Fan Question - 05.17.2012
One of our Facebook fans, Nick, had some intriguing questions about brains. Actually he had quite a few but my brain could only manage 2 for now. He asked:
2) Can we feed animal brains to them to appease them?
It’s good to know your enemy and their weaknesses.
Thanks Nick and thanks fans for all the enthusiastic questions. Keep em’ coming, we look forward to responding to them. If you’re new to our site, don’t be shy, like us on Facebook and we’re on the twits too. Check out our other videos on youtube as well. We’ve got survival tips, self-defense tips and last but not least, snark. What’s not to love?
Gain some insight on zombies by checking out our youtube video below:
POST VIDEO NOTE: I made a comment that no movie in the last 5 years had ever used animals to appease zombies. That was not quite correct. While not a movie, zombies trapped in a barn were fed various farm animals, mostly chickens, in the AMC TV Series “Walking Dead”. They may not have been completely appeased but perhaps that’s not actually possible since we think the taste for fresh human flesh/brains is less about nutrition than about oral fixation and plain aggressiveness.
Zombie Fan Question - 05.17.2012
Our friend and Facebook fan, Justine asks us the following (we paraphrase): Could you fashion some kind of helmet with a blade on top like a unicorn as a last line of defense weapon during the ZPOC (zombie apocalypse)?
Well Justine, you certainly could, but you won’t have to. Let us introduce you to our friend, the Pickelhaube (yes the name makes us laugh too). If you’ve watched re-runs of Hogan’s Heroes, obviously filmed before Bob Crane was beaten to death by a friend who used to film him having kinky sex, you’ve seen one on Colonel Klink’s desk.
Developed by King Frederick William IV of Prussia in 1842, this phallic chapeau was actually worn by Germanic front-line troops up through WWI, when it was discovered they didn’t do anything but make infantrymen better targets. Eventually somebody with some military sense in Germany (imagine that) ordered that the spikes should be removed during combat.
There’s no record that we can find of anybody dueling with pickelhaube, but just imagine how funny that would be.
Today, the pickelhaube is worn ceremonially by a number of armed services in the world, and worn ironically by many beer-swilling soccer fans.
As to last-line zombie defense. Heck – use anything, use a toothbrush, use a pool cue, use your poodle. Last line means last line. If I had a steel-dildo helmet like a pickelhaube as my only weapon, I’d probably prefer to hold it and use it like a tiny spiked shield. But, imagine how badass you’d be with a knife in each hand and a pickelhaube on your head – you could take out 3 zombs simultaneously (maybe).
Realistically the head is a poor offensive weapons platform. The last time we bolted an AR15 surgically to somebody’s skull the results were less than impressive. The neck is a fairly weak structure and the brain can be damaged by sudden acceleration or deceleration (two things that make most melee weapons work).
If you have the materials lying around to make a spikey helmet, and don’t own a honest to goodness pickelhaube – you’re probably better off fashioning a hand-held weapon of some sort.
Of course unicorns are cool, but we don’t think the undead horde will be impressed by “cool”. Speaking of unicorns, we’d like to consult with a marine biologist about the prospect of training narwhals for zombie defense. Lure those Z bastards down to the shore and spear them right through the ocular canal!
And by the way, narwhals are totally the honey-badgers of the sea.