Zombie Prep Network Announces 3rd Party Candidate For PresidentZombie Apocalypse Announcement - 08.25.2012
Dear Zombie Apocalypse Preppers,
The 2012 election season is upon us, and our nation is in crisis. The tell-tale signs of the coming Zombie Apocalypse are making headlines daily, and yet our two major political parties have remained silent on the matter.
Historically, the Zombie Prep Network has operated as an apolitical organization. We recognize the value of all human beings when it comes to wreaking havoc on the teeming undead hordes, regardless of race, creed, or party affiliation. However, with a major election so close, and the Zombie Apocalypse hot on it’s heels, the time has come to speak out.
Whilst watching another vacuous campaign ad recently, I had a revelation: There’s nothing these guys are doing that I can’t do. Campaigning seems to consist largely of walking around in a dress shirt with the top button undone, talking about things that worry people, then smiling and shaking their hands. I looked in my closet…I have dress shirts! I can talk about things! I can worry people, just ask my neighbors! I enjoy touching people that I’ve never met before! I can talk smack about the other candidates! Clearly, it’s time to take action.
The national debt, crime, political corruption; I can obfuscate around these topics as well as any other candidate, and I can do so without the added hindrance of a law degree from Harvard or a stellar career in finance. Most important, I ‘m not afraid to address the real issue that everyone else has been tap-dancing around: The pending (and awesome) Zombie Apocalypse.
The two-party system has failed us for long enough. In the interest of freedom, democracy, and keeping things awesome, I have decided to represent the Zombie Prep Network as candidate for President of the United States of America. Please join me in my fight to prepare America for some serious Zombie ass kicking.
Raymond G. Wackenheimer
Founder, Zombie Prep Network